Saturday, 23 July 2011
Diary...
aku cuba menjadi orang yang sabar dan sentiasa mengambil berat tentang org lain...
namun semua yang aku buat semuanya salah dari mata dia...
dia tak nampak yang aku hendak bersungguh-sungguh mahu jumpa dengan nya...
aku ingat kalau aku ponteng keja dan jumpa dia...
dia akan bergembira tapi sayangnya tak...
dia marahkan aku pasal pandai2 buat keputusan...
yang paling sedih dia berkata nasib aku dengan dia belum kahwin lagi kalau tidak ini agaknya yang akan dia lalui semua...
hati naluri aku sakit sangat seperti saat mahu putus...
kalau itu dia dah kata begitu abeh mcmne kalau kemudian hari...
adakah seterusnya dia akan berpaling pada wanita lain???
orang kata setiap perjalanan dengan orang yang dicintai perlu merasai kepedihan tapi adakah ini yang aku dapat selama 6 tahun bersamanya...
terus terang aku berkata adakah kita akan pergi jauh sampai jinjang pelamin dan selepas itu???
hati aku susah mula merasai sangsi...
*adakah kau rasa apa yang aku rasa sayang???
9:46 pm
Sunday, 27 June 2010
for the blog that i been wanting to write...
it alrdy almost 2 mnths since the insident...
but i dun blame him cause me myself to blame...
evertyhing that i done for the past 7 mnths is still linger in his mind...
n how could he forget abt it...
but it been a torturing state for me n him..
each time i went to werk...
cause it was that werk that it all begins...
i dun wan to remember it and i wan it to forget...
but still we fighting against what happen...
i thought cause of love that makes us inseparable...
but i was wrong he still keep on toking abt it...
his heart is controlling his anger...
if it was 1st i wont mind...
i did give him suggestion that we separate for awhile..
if he okie n me okie then we mit...
but he dun wan that...
he keep on thinking the negative thought...
oh god i reli tired if this whole thing...
i wish for it to stop so that it wont bother me...
i was to blame for everything...
sorry is not even the good words for me to say...
but still im saying this to him...
im sorie im make u sad
im sorie if thing is different back then...
im sorie if that is ur decision...
im sorie if u are hurt again...
im sorie if u keep on thinking abt it...
im sorie if im too stubborn...
im sorie if i phafe betrayed ur trust n love...
im sorie for everthing...
i just love u n oni u in my heart...
but if thing is gonna tough i wonder if we can still make it...
-RaYu-
1:28 am
Thursday, 3 June 2010
Haloo...
been since i last drop an entry...
yeah been thinking alot these days...
i feel like i not alive eversince that day...
hmm... but with him i will feel different...
i dun really feel anything right now...
my mind is full of his face..
i mean zaidi's face..
and i cant think straight...
day goes by and i feel i not myself...
mind is haywire n i goin to school with a long face...
happy outside but not happy inside...
happy being woth him but not happy when not with him...
till my mood of study did swing abit...
hmm... tell me how am i suppose to let it go..??
im too a human...
man i need a space out...
*ps: just hope next week exam will be gone smoothly...
-RaYu-
Labels: i love you untill the end...
11:01 pm
Monday, 17 May 2010
is loving you is a right time for now???
even after all i had done???
even how hurtful you are when u being hurt by me???
it's kind of irritating when u suddenly tok again abt that...
i couldnt blame you but feel the guilty in me towards u...
every word n every breath that u speak...
it will remind me on how i treated u for the past 8 mnths...
the secret that i keep in me...
Ours is the one couple that people look upon us...
people see on how we both survive after all this time...
we both have each other even we did seperated once...
u by ur way n me by my way...
but still we are being together in every single outings...
u still give me hope when im losing it...
u still there when i needed to be alone...
u still there even u did hurt deep inside...
u still being u by my side always...
i should have been feeling fortunate to have u by my side...
even i feel that i dun deserve it...
after all u had done to me...
but my heart keep wanting u in my life...
it like u are meant for me...
u do feel it too right??? but why???
if i was teach to be love by others n oni stick to that...
wont it be good???
so that u or me wont be suffer...
i always think the day that...
when u say when u wont let go of me...
it was during sec 4 when u prompt that qns that u wanna be with me...
remember??? i was shock to hear that... but even so we still be together...
ilu n till now i love oni u...
my heart is still for u...
people may look down on me...
i dun care...
people may say i have no shame...
but it hurt me to much to see u suffer...
i should have known n understand how u feel...
how u react that time when the 1st...
but i still did it for the 2nd...
haish... even u cnnt forget it's okie...
time will heal but i duno abt u...
so for now i stop here...
-RaYu-
Labels: i dont know if i there anything that i can do to make you tink of mie differently
9:36 pm
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Kasihku...
Kadang-kadang aku tertanya apa yang tak kena dengan diriku ini...
adakah aku yang buat kau hilang kata2???
dari dulu hinggalah sekarang...
kita sentiasa bertengkar tentang perkara kecil mahupun besar...
dan aku selalu melarikan diri kerana...
aku tahu ia akan merumitkan agi hubungan kita...
tapi apabila keesokan harinya kita berbaik semula...
dan kita melupakan apa yang telah terjadi semalaman...
dan sekarang aku rasa terlalu penat untuk bergaduh dengan kau...
tiada apa yang nak dibahaskan...
dan tiada agi yang nak diucapan...
aku dah sangat penat dengan keadaan ini...
maafkan aku kalau semalam aku ade terkasar bahasa dengan kau...
tapi salah aku ke untuk menyatakan begitu...?
kata-kataku terlalu tajam untuk kau menerima...
beh kata-kata kau tidak menyinggung perasaan ku???
kata2ku mcm ular yang sangat berbisa ke?? sehinggakan kau kata begitu???
aku sedih kasihku... kau buat aku mengalir airmata lagi...
aku bkn nk tuinjukkan kelemahan aku...
aku tknk kau merasakan diri kau yang bersalah...
kerana aku sendiri rasai aku yang bersalah...
aku yang bersalah atas kejadian ini...
Kasihku sungguhpun kau dah tak tahan dengan aku...
bagi tahu aku apabila kau dah buat keputusan...
aku akan lepaskan kau pergi...
===========================================================================
kawanku...
aku rasa aku kenal kau tak lama masa kau baru masuk keja...
aku masih ingat lagi apabila aku luahkan isi hati aku tentang masalah aku...
kau tak putus2 agi aku nasihat...
aku syukur kerana aku mempunyai kwn seperti kau...
at least de jgk kwn yang aku leh luahkan masalah aku ni...
tap mengapa kau membuat aku tersempit dengan keputusan yang terlalu berat...
aku sayangi kau dan aku jgk sayangi kasihku...
bagi aku kedua-duanya aku mahukan...
memang betul matair leh dicari tapi kwn susah nk cari...
aku tiada jawapan untuk berikan kau...
maafkan aku...
-RaYu-
Labels: when head begin to burst...
10:00 pm
